Humility

Something I've realized recently is that college is a very humbling experience. For 18 years you live in the mindset of "What can the world offer me?" You have parents who support you emotionally and financially, most of the classes you take are chosen for you, and you pick your schools/colleges/jobs based on who can give you the most benefits. But when you actually start college and get out in the real world, you enter a society that wants to know "What can you offer the world?" And sometimes you don't have an answer. And that is the moment you realize that the world does not revolve around you.

Main Course

Looking for a man is similar to looking at a buffet. There are many options to choose from. There are spicy appetizers, thought provoking sides, and yummy looking desserts, but in the end a girl is just looking for a stable main course. I am looking for the Mac N' Cheese of life. There is only one problem I've come across, there are only 4 types of guys in this world and none of them satisfy my craving.(I know that sounds bad, but you get the point). They are:

1. "Hipsters": Although it is convenient that we probably wear the same size skinny jeans, it's not ideal. We all know those aren't prescription glasses, and making sweater vests stylish is like trying to "make fetch happen" it's not going to happen. 

2. "Country": They either arrived in a pick up truck or on a tractor. Most originate from Farmington, MN. You can either find them killing things or partaking in "Thirsty Thursday" (It's their favorite day of the week!) 

3. "Thugs": They are dressed like Eminem from Eight Mile. Follow the sound of Kendrick Lamar and you'll find them at the end of the yellow brick road. 

4. "Homeschooled Jungle Freaks": Consistently rocking a bowl cut and their older sister's hand-me-down jeans you'll discover that they love to accessorize with tube socks and 20 year old sneakers. (But at least they're family oriented, right?!?!?) 

Long story long, I am currently living off of the Ramen Noodles of life. 

Things that trouble my soul

Here is a list of rants about things that truly trouble my soul:
- When a teacher makes you rewrite the same paper FIVE times. And there are still minute details he seems to find that keep him from allowing you to progress forward in the writing process. Seriously? This is freshman comp!
- The people who are super picky about their coffee. I get it, you come to caribou for special coffee and to make your day better. But, when you order a coffee/mocha/latte/whatever and the detailed list of your desires takes up more than a box on my bar screen, I already loathe you in my soul. And when you tell me to take the froth off the top and I have to scoop out milk because there is no froth on the top, and then have me re steam more milk because I took too much out, you have gone too far. (P.S. Thanks to the guy behind her in line who praised me for "not b***h slapping her" across the counter, you made my day)
- People in lifetime fitness who judge you. Don't judge me for doing girly push ups unless I get to judge you for being an evil bald midget. And stop pacing me when we do mile runs. There is a difference between friendly and creepy.

Things I should be doing, but won't do

It is currently 11:15 and I should be writing my 4th paper of the semester. It is a dialogic essay on sex slavery. But like many people, I have decided to spend my time doing more important things! These include:

- Listening to ZZ Ward. Her voice is magical and makes me calmer than a vegan at a PETA parade.

- Drinking milk really slowly.

-Watching inspirational videos. These include videos about dogs with 3 legs to people who have lost major amounts of weight. My favorites are Libby the cat (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4qqAv1_mF0) and 99 Inspirational weight losses. (Look at 1:30! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_csSxyXXLo) 

- Watching the "What does the fox say?" video three times and dancing around my room picking up the crap on my floor and finding month old socks under my bed.

- Tied my hair up in three different ponytails, only to rip them all out, curse my hair and return to this computer.

In conclusion, writing inspirational papers on educating women is hard and I will never inspire anyone to do anything.

Orientation

Orientation. A perfect time to start over. You would think that at a time like this, when you can start fresh with some new friends at a new school, that people would put their best foot forward. Unfortunately, Inver Hills does not have people like that. These are the things I saw, heard, and smelled while at orientation. (My apologies to anyone who is offended):
1. Ryan: Buddy, you were cute. You had the scruff, you wore the Ray-Bans, but you smelled like beef and cheese and you wore Napoleon Dynamite Tater tot styled pants. "Hey Napoleon, give me some of your tots."
2. Dude I thought was a lady: As happy as I am for you and your girlfriend, the 40 minute massages were a little much, could ya not? Thanks.
3. Asian man holding a Canadian flag: I'm sure the International Student Club is a blast, however my Tuesday nights are filled. Sorry.
4. Accident-prone girl: Thank you for rolling your chair a little too close to the steps and taking a tumble. You're a winner.
I don't mean to be judgmental, this is simply a few observations. All in all my morning was interesting and informational. I got free sunglasses, I joined a club, and I saw the campus. I'm sure Inver Hills will be a perfect fit and I cannot wait to see you all again on Monday.

Here We Go

Here we are.  Kaloogs and Linnu.  Making it big in this cruel world.  Just a couple of bros being who they think they should be.  Pretty chill, pretty poetic.  We may be parted for segments of time, but nothing can break this bro-ship.  Today the adventure begins!  We shall write about our respective college experiences and you, dear reader, have the privilege of partaking in our journey.  Well, in a literary sense, at least.